Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So vagazzling was a success
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
