Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
