oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
