Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
