I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
