K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
