you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
