oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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