I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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