On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
