i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do vagina's smell?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
