Moan for me like Helen Keller
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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