Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i think my cat just said my name.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
