The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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