I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
