if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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