Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
