on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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