This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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