She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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