Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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