Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
