wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
