Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
