I want to have your abortion
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
