Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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