Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
