I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
