How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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