If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
