I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Randomize