he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
