All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
