so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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