My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
