I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
