we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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