My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
As shirtless as possible
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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