why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
