I wanna bring you to show and tell
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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