The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
