Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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