I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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