I just pynch a tree in the face
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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