I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
