I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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