Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
