Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How naked do you want me to be?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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