I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
