There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
