What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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