I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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