Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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