i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
