i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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