if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
