I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
