I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I smell stomach acid.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
