I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
