Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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