i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
