i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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