I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
