I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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