Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
