We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
