i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Im part way to drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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