the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize