i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
