it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I understand Curling. That high.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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