Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
