i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
