eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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