im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
