Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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